A little (or big) moan!

I kept wondering if I should write this post or not, I've always wanted my blog to be a positive place and keep negative stuff away. Why? I've always seen blogging as an escape, a place to write about things I love, hobbies etc. I read blogs to get inspired and revel in the beauty in the world that I often miss. But sometimes, its good to vent anger, letting it simmer away is never healthy, and talking about it, even on a blog post is a good release to let it all out, I might find someone who understands or had the same problem.
I'm twenty three years old and I've been working in retail for the past two (nearly three) years, I never went to University, I didn't want to, my career goals have always been creative ones and I personally thought University wouldn't be as beneficial to me, and going would have been a waste of time and money. Now my Sister, whose twenty two wants to be a primary teacher, so she has to go to University to get a degree etc. The fact that we both have different career goals is a good thing, we are both working towards something we dream of doing, I'm constantly making things, writing etc. in hope that I can make my dreams a reality, but according to my Sister I can't have a career because I haven't been to University, she is wrong on so many levels. Today she decided to pick an argument with me, which went with her saying to me "What are you even doing with your life, you're twenty three with no career. Its either career or kids and you don't even want kids, what kind of woman doesn't want kids." My sister has her life planned out, she'll finish University, get her dream job, go traveling, get married at twenty eight and then have kids by the time she is thirty. Life is never what we plan it to be, when I was younger I thought by the time I was twenty three I would have a career (but please do tell me how many twenty three years have their dream career at this age?) I also thought I would have a mortgage and be living in a cute little cottage, that hasn't happened either. I'll be happy if my sister does get everything she wants in the time she has planned but realistically, how often does that happen? When you grow up your wants/needs change, what I want in my life now is different to what I wanted five years ago and I'm sure in five years time everything would have changed again. 
But the fact that today my Sister pretty much told me my life was sh!t (please excuse the swear!) just pushed me too far. She then proceeded to make me feel like crap for not having any friends, which is essence has a slight truth to it, I don't hang around with the same people I used to when I was sixteen, you grow up, grow apart, the people I used to hang around with stopped talking to me because I don't go out drinking etc. I tried to make plans with them and gave up because they were never interested unless it was going to a club, a lot of my friends stopped talking to me because they didn't like my boyfriend, my best friend who I knew for fifteen years told me I needed to break up with him (since she was now friends with his ex-girlfriend) my response was no, so that ended our friendship, I guess life is funny like that, now I spend most of my time with my boyfriend, work people and going to blogging events because that's what genuinely makes me happy. My sister will never understand that. 
I've always been a closed of person, I find it hard to talk about certain subjects but that's because I've never felt I've had people around me who support me or really understand me as a person, again my sister was like 'well you never talk to anyone about yourself' which is true and I wish I could but I could never talk to her and that makes me feel so bad, shes my sister, but there are reasons, when I was younger I always kept a diary, any girl knows how intimate and private a diary is, and having someone read it is bad, but knowing your sister actively searched you're bedroom when you wasn't there just so they could read it and then proceed to tell your friends, family etc. what you had written, was hard and embarrassing. When I started to blog, I kept it private from family, my Sister went on my laptop once and ended up finding my blog, she didn't tell me she read it, instead decided to drop immature hints such as 'when we go out are you going to take pictures, so you can blog about it' or 'awh, are you going to write about this on your blog?' I never responded to her, just let her carry on, it was pointless and this made me change my URL to daintyandivory. Once I got into blogging I discovered my love for snail mail, penpals and parcels, my sister read the letters, and again found it funny because I don't have real friends and have to result to penpals... Its hard because  if anything you're family should be the ones supporting you, not putting you down etc. I've always been one of those people that if someone tells me their dreams and goals in life I will support them, offer them words of encouragements etc. but I see so many people being negative about others dreams/goals. I also believe that at no matter what age you can make dreams come true, its never too late to start.   
Sister rant over...

  1. I'm so sorry that your sister is treating you this way.
    My sister can be a bit insensitive sometimes but she has her own place so we get on better now but honestly, she never got...me.
    Penpals are the best, I don't have many 'real life' friends because I'm awkward, shy & terrified of letting people in. I have a few online friends but at the end of the day..they are still friends.. you don't have to be physically near someone to have a connection. I also spend a lot of my time with my boyfriend, he's my best friend. Have you ever thought about putting a lock on your bedroom door when you go out? I did once, as my sister & her friend would go through my things & use them D:

    You have every right to be proud of where you are in life, as long as your happy.
    Your sister needs to realise that your not the same as her & you may never want the same things. Also, I don't ever want kids...I just don't like them. If that has gone against some women code then so be it.

    If you ever need a chat lovely, I'm here. (:

  2. I can tell you for a fact that the things we think we want at 22 or so rarely turn.out to be the things we end up with. I have been through so many things I never imagined for myself, they weren't all great and it was incredibly hard. But I have always done what I thought was best.

    Your decisions are for you and you alone. If your sister chooses not to see you as someone with different dreams and goals to her own then that is her narrow mindedness leaking out.

    Really, how many 23 year olds have their lives sorted? They are the exceptions not the rules.

    Live your life for you. Learn to be happy. Only those things matter. And I agree, get a lock for your bedroom! If she's too immature to respect your privacy you need to take steps to guard it.

    Ok, long comment, sorry!
    And likewise, if you need someone to listen, I'm here. X

  3. I hope you feel better for getting all of that off your chest.

    Try not to worry, you are the only person that can decide what is best for you and you do/go with what your heart tells you.
    I think you have a nice little plan coming along, you are doing what you love and what makes you happy.
    But nobodies life is perfect and everyone makes mistakes regardless, they may or may not be mistakes but they are yours and yours alone mistakes to make.
    I look back at my life now and wish i had done so many things differently, some things I am happy that I ignored peoples advice because they thought they knew best. but they didn't, Nobody understands a situation you are in and how you feel apart from you.
    But not in a million years did I think my life would turn out this way, I won't go into that but Blogging has made me so much happier, your right its a little escape something to concentrate on and keep you busy when you need that distraction.
    so continue to follow your heart and dreams. Your happy and doing what you want to do and that is all that matters, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

    Gemma xx

  4. I'm so annoyed on your behalf! She's clearly just going through an insecure, naive and nasty phase- at least I hope it's a phase. Negative people only put others down to make themselves feel better because they are really insecure about their own life. If she does, by some miracle manage to get the things she apparently wants within the silly deadlines, then what? It doesn't sound like she's really thought about what she wants like you have, and is just choosing what she thinks she should want, the fact that you have chosen something different probably scare her, and invalidates her own choices. The only thing I can suggest is to limit the amount of time you spend with her, and to be proud of yourself and the things you like- especially your blog. I'm glad you're not letting it get you down too much- I think a lot of people can completely relate to this :) xxx

  5. This is so upsetting to read, I felt like a failure for a long time because I didn't go to university like what seemed to be everyone else. It took me a long time to realise that I was wrong, that everyone has to do what is right for them, in their own time and their own way.

    I've never had many friends, mainly because I hate being social, but also because the things other people are interested in just don't appeal to me. I think its great that you are so comfortable with where you are and who you are - at 23 I didn't have a clue. One day your sister will realise this too (hopefully!) and will start to understand that her way isn't the right way for everyone. Good for her for knowing what she wants but, as you say, what you want now is likely to be completely different to what you want in the future and things don't always work out the way we want.

    Also, I'm glad you wrote this post. I know its nice to have a positive blog, but its so good to hear other people feel the same as you so thank you.

    Hope things improve with your sister soon - you never know! x

    1. Forgot to say, friends you don't physically meet up with are no less real. In fact, they may well be more real - they care enough about you to take the time to read your letters and blog and write back to you to tell you what they think. I think writing is a great way to connect with people on a more personal level x

  6. I'd like to say a couple of things.
    1. It is not up to your sister how you live your life, it is up to you. University is not the be all and end all anyway. I went, got a good degree, and am still working in retail ten years later, due to depression. My experience is the perfect illustration that life does not end up the way you plan
    2. You sound very similar to me, and to a great many people, who have few friends and find it difficult to make new ones, or even feel comfortable being a very private person. This is not a bad thing. Aside from the fact that you have learnt very early on that outgrowing certain friends is a necessary part of life, it is not about the quantity of friends, but the quality. I can count my friends on one hand but they are just that, true friends.
    3. Snail mail, as you call it, is a wonderful thing, and all to often lost in the age of technology. Keep it up!
    4. Without meaning to insult her, your sister still sounds a little immature, if she is resorting to petty comments about your blog and your letters. It is no wonder you feel reluctant to share things with her, she is acting like a child
    5. It is never too late to get the life you want, just keep working at it. I've read your blog, and you have real talent. I can see you in your little cottage yet x

    1. Thanks Emma!

      I know quite a few people who have been to University and haven't come out with the job they wanted, I think a lot of people who go to Uni expect to have that dream job waiting for them on a plate as soon as they leave, when hard work still needs to continue. Although, no one should ever give up on their dreams! Sorry to hear about your depression, its something I feel that is overlooked by so many people, unless they've been through it, I think they know how hard depression can be to cope with, if you ever want someone to talk to, I'm here.
      True friends are a lot more important, I see people I used to know surrounding themselves with people, but half the time I hear them moaning about the other person, life's to short to waste time with people who don't make you feel good etc.
      And snail mail is truly the best!

      And thank you for believing in me! Really means a lot!

  7. This is such a deep post and very upsetting at that! I totally understand what you mean and tbh you should do what you want to do and keep following your own path :) I don't like drinking and that's what most people my age do and sometimes I feel nobody understands me or what I am all about so I also spend most of my time with my boyfriend but its healthier to be happy than not happy right? Also I was wanting to attend UNI but decided not to and study from home as its cheaper and more easier whilst keeping a job so whatever you decide to do there are always other options! xxx

  8. I'm 25, I've been to university, and believe me, that doesn't give you a ready made career or even a plan! After all that, I'm working in a shop. I have no idea of my plans yet but I understand how you feel.. sometimes pressure from others might make you think that it's time to panic. There is no rush to find your thing, you have to just wait for it to happen!

    I too am shy and find hard to join in the 'real world' as I'm not a party person.. there's nothing wrong with that and nobody should tell you there is! Snail mail over parties anyday, ha.


  9. I totally understand what you've said here. When I was younger my sister was also one for reading my diaries and my blogs and it literally made me feel like rubbish! It sucks as well the way that your sister has been acting that way. I hope she learns to realise that you are living the life that you want and need to and it's being good for you. Just because she's at Uni doesn't mean you have to. I've read soo many stories of designers and artists not going to Uni and they have done brilliantly! I hope things get better
    Lauren | OhHay Blogs!

  10. Everything has already been said on the matter by other people; your sister seems very immature and quite "black and white" within her thinking if she can't see that their is a grey area where it doesn't matter if you do or don't conform to society's plans. Life is for living and especially in this day and age where you can actually be your own person, it's more than ever a time where you can live your life how you like. Things don't always go to plan and I know that more than anyone... I did go to University and some how came out with a decent degree despite battling with a physical illness which has put a stop to my career choice. I'm still not at a stable point where my illness has been eradicated but life is slowly but surely becoming easier. The illness stopped me from doing things I love such as crafting which is ones of my true passions. I think as long as you are happy in what you are doing, then that's fine, why should anyone else stick their nose into your business. Just ignore her :) xx

    Haha sorry that my comment turned into a big ramble!


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