Getting beeped

Monday, 19 May 2014

I was wondering if I should write this post or not, but since it is something that annoys me and maybe a few of you I thought why not? Some of you may have seen me ranting on twitter yesterday about this but I just feel like it has to be said, although granted its been said a thousand times. Now, I'm not tarring all men with the same brush here, I truly think its a minority who think its acceptable to act in this manner. 
On Sundays, since the first bus going back to mine arrives at nine am, I tend to walk from C's instead, this takes just over an hour and I set out around seven thirty am. Now I've really been enjoying just walking, its something I never make the time for and on Sunday its just so peaceful and quiet and yesterday it was nice and sunny. In the time that it took me to walk home, I got beeped my three different people, one of them continuously beeping until they had drove past me. I don't know about you but I hate it, not only does it make me jump out of my skin but I hate people leering at me. Usually I just brush it off and get it over it but the fact that it happened three times yesterday grated on me. Maybe it was something about yesterday, later I went to meet C from work, I caught the five pm bus and every time I go to meet him I walk down by the river since I love looking at the ducks and geese and now cute, fluffy ducklings. As I was walking there was a group of lads on the other side of the river fishing and one of them started yelling stuff at me, sometimes I really do wish I had the guts to yell back but I just ignored them, since I ignored them one of them started yelling insults about how pale I was and of course making the groups of guys laugh, that just made me even more angry. I've actually encountered two of these people before fishing and again they yelled stuff at me, which I ignored and they shouted 'I know you love us shouting stuff at you, I can see you smiling' I wasn't, I just wanted to be pass them as soon as possible. 
Before I used to be pretty fearless in walking around on my own but now I always carry the sense of danger, I'm aware of everyone around me. A while ago when I was at C's I was catching the bus to work and this kid, he must have been around 14/15 came up to me and started saying sexual stuff to me and attempting to grab my bum... I had no idea how to react, I wanted to punch him in the face but repeatedly told him to 'f*ck off' I would have loved for this to be a one off and to never have seen that kid again but I kept bumping into him and his behavior was this same, it honestly made me scared to catch the bus. I also didn't know how to handle this situation, could I even report him? I haven't seen him for a while and hopefully won't but my only thought is 'If that's his attitude to women now, what will he be like when he is older?' Another time at the same bus stop, it was five am and I was doing a early shift at work, there was a guy just standing around, I was on the opposite side of the road and thought maybe he's waiting to get picked up for work, as I walked past him he started shouting stuff at me, I crossed over the road onto the same side he was when I got to the bus stop praying he wouldn't come over, he did he then proceeded to say sorry for yelling stuff. My heart was pounding in my chest I was alone at the bus stop with this guy. He kept saying all kinds of stuff to me and I kept inching away but he kept getting closer, people did show up at the bus stop eventually which made me feel safer but still this guy harassed me he was saying stuff about getting married and killing anyone who'd hurt me... When the bus came he followed me onto it, not sitting next me and left me alone, until he got off were he then chucked a piece of paper with his number on it at me.

The only thing I want is too feel safe and not be harassed if I walk done the street. I'm not sure why some guys think this is okay but it really isn't.

Another thing I'm annoyed about is how some men think women wear makeup and show of skin for them, just no. I wear make up because it makes me feel better about myself, its lame but make up does that, it makes me feel good and gives me confidence. I wish i felt like that without it but I don't and as for showing of skin, I don't want to be hot in Summer having to cover myself up, I also like shorts and dresses, they are the clothes I feel more comfortable in! Now, there is nothing wrong with looking I'll look at a girl and think she's pretty, or I think that guys attractive but I'm also not leering at them or yelling crap. 

Have you ever been through something similar? I'd love to hear your thoughts. 


20 comments:

  1. Check out the @everdaysexism account and #everyday sexism hashtag on Twitter. There is also a website. No, you aren't alone and yes, this is wrong!
    Thirty Something OAP Giveaway Post
    Simone | Thirty Something OAP

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    1. Thanks, I gave them a tweet! I would like to say its surprising how often it happens.

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  2. I hate walking past groups of lads for the exact reasons you've said. I used to get the bus to work and every day this guy would be on the same bus to town as me and the one home. The mornings were fine but he obviously had problems and would be drunk every night for the return journey so he'd harass any women on there. It got so bad that us regular girls would group together - safety in numbers and all that.

    Jaq @ www.lazydaysbeauty.com

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    1. Still being drunk is no excuse! I really do hate walking past guys and the thing is they could be completely harmless, yet because we've had bad experiences think that of every group of guys!

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  3. I'm so glad you decided to write this post after your initial hesitation you expressed - this is a topic that women and men really need to feel comfortable talking about in order to improve the situation of women like you, me and, undoubtedly, every other woman that has felt the same fears you have. And thank you for including why you wear make up and summer clothes - I do for exactly the same reasons and we shouldn't feel that we are in the wrong for trying to be comfortable! We do unfortunately live in a culture where women are blamed for 'encouraging' these reactions, whereas the (minority of stupid) men (like you say, know plenty of stand up gentlemen!) Should be taught not to do that!
    You should definitely follow @everydaysexism if you don't already!
    Apologies for the long comment, but youve written about a very important topic and I'm really glad I got to read it xxx

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    1. I'm glad I did! I've brought up the topic with guys before but some just see it as 'guys being guys' quickly roll my eyes at that. I'm sure any guys who do this to women would hate it if it happened to their girlfriend, mum sister etc.
      The fact that women get blamed for wearing makeup/dress makes me sick, is it our fault some men have a lack of self control.

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  4. That's really horrible that they were acting like that! I always try to avoid groups of guys like this because I just don't know what they're going to do. I just hate people beeping their horns in public, I always get a fright even if it's from someone I know. I hate the noise! It truly is horrible that we still live in a world were guys think its ok to do that.
    Lauren | OhHay Blogs!
    xxx

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    1. I'm sure people beep horns because they find it funny making people jump! I tend to avoid groups of guys now, because you don't know what they are like.

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  5. I'm so sorry you had this awful experience. I know it's no consolation but most women have been through this at some time. I certainly have; one of the consolations of age is that I don't attract these morons anymore. I wish I had some practical advice that would help you but we seem to live in a society where men think this sort of behaviour is acceptable and even funny. Most of them grow out of it. However it is upsetting - I do hope this nonsense doesn't stop you enjoying your walks by the river.

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    1. Thank you, lets hope the do grow out of it and realise how scared it can actually make us feel.

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  6. I once had a white van driver be so busy shouting stuff at me as he drove past that he almost ploughed into a lamp post.

    As for advice...normally I'd say ignore them but they need to know it's not acceptable behaviour, and unfortunately challenging them is the only way they'll learn. If you can make them look daft in front of their friends, even better. That said, that does carry the risk they might turn nasty, so you'll have to gauge whether they're likely to feel silly and shut up, or get worse.

    For the 14-15 year old, report him. If he's like that with you, imagine what he's like with girls his age!

    Also, have you considered self defence? You might never need to know how to do it, but just knowing you can handle yourself if someone crosses that line might give you a confidence boost. Guys don't often shout at me, but I've been told by guy friends that I look quite fierce when I'm out and about, and they're too scared.

    Either way, educate your male friends that it's not ok to do this!

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    1. A part of me wishes that guy would have hit the lamp post (without being hurt but to teach him a lesson) today I guy driver was looking at me, his whole head was turned not even paying attention to the road =/

      I will report him if I see him and it happens again, hoping that it doesn't don't.

      I would love to learn martial arts, something I will have to look into. I will definitely feel safer knowing I could protect myself., just in case.

      x

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  7. It can be so scary sometimes walking past guys! Luckily I very rarely get abuse from guys, apart from the odd whistle, but when I do I'm always terrified. I'm sure a lot of the time the guys think they are having a laugh but I wish they would realise that for a girl who is by herself, it can be very frightening.

    Lauren | laurenthedaydreamer.co.uk

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    1. It is really intimidating, I guess some just want to show off to their friends but what do they really get out of it. Sigh.

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  8. Urgh, how horrible to have that happen to you.

    I second the self defense suggestion. Or a martial art in general. Personally I practice karate, but I started out with a normal self defense course offered by the town. And I cannot recommend it enough if just for the effect it had on me personality wise.

    Alex - Funky Jungle

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    1. Definitely need to have a look into self defense course just in case!

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  9. Really enjoyed this post and what you say is so valid. It can be quite intimidating & uncomfortable walking past a group of blokes if you are dressed a certain way. It makes me dead self conscious! When you hear the beeping & see the leering I cringe as I always think urgh that's someone's dad or husband etc... I'd be mortified if mine went on like that! :)
    Love Kate xx
    prettylittleus

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    1. haha yep, can you imagine how annoyed they would be if someone did that to their daughter, wife, sister etc?!

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  10. I'd really think about reporting the young lad as well, if it's possible to, but I know that you worry that things will get worse :( When I was 16 I had two grown up men try and get me to go in a car with them, I was freaked out then and still think about it now, it was a proper I am going to have to scream in a minute situation. Obviously many, many men are brilliant. But some of them? Total arseholes x

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    1. Oh my god, that sounds terrifying! I can imagine that would stay for me for a while! I would have no idea how to report if it did happen again =/
      Its a shame some guys give other guys a bad name!

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