On being shy

Sunday, 2 August 2015
I am twenty four years and I can't remember a time I wasn't shy. Over the last year it has lessened and I do feel more confident in certain situations. If you know me you would find it hard to believe I'm shy, if I am comfortable around someone and can talk to them with ease it would change if a new person enters the conversation I will shut down and hardly speak. I do think I have gotten better at speaking to people one on one but in a group I avoid eye contact and stay quiet

Shyness for a lot of people unless you have dealt with it can be really hard to understand trust me I can't even comprehend how people can start talking to someone they've just met and act like they have known them for years. 

People will call you an introvert, for me I think an introvert and being shy are different traits, an introvert will avoid social situations while a shy person will fear them, it's almost like a phobia. I dread talking to new people I don't know, and when someone speaks to me I panic, I stutter, I muddled words up etc. 

People will assume you are a bitch, ignorant or rude (or all three.) When you are shy it is so hard to make conversation, what do you even talk about? When you are quiet people assume there is something wrong or you are being stuck up. Sometimes I'll be listening to a conversation and want to jump in and be afraid too, other times I'll wait for a moment that never comes. Even when people know I am shy and struggle to make conversation I am still labelled as this even if no attempts are made to talk to me either, it is always easy to pin it on the shy one. If anything I feel I should be appreciated for my listening skills and sometimes I find it nice not to feel the need to talk.

People will make jokes, I have no idea why but people seem to find it hilarious making comments such as 'Hannah is a right chatter box, you can never shut her up' it really isn't appreciated, it just makes you crawl back into your shell and makes you not want to speak at all, and even when you do find the confidence to say something you'll be met with 'she just spoke' etc.

You feel bad for being shy, or at least I have. When someone who I don't know gets stuck with me at work for example, in my head I'm saying 'I'm sorry you are stuck with me' or hoping someone else will come along so it is less awkward. I've been to blogging events to and when I'm being quiet I sit thinking to myself I hope they don't mind or think I'm being odd. 

I've always been told you will outgrow your shyness, I don't think I ever will and shyness is a part of me. Shyness doesn't control my life and things that seems so little to others such as saying 'Hi' etc. to someone new are big things to me, it is small steps in improving my confidence in talking to people. I won't ever me that bubbly girl, I like being quiet, I'm someone who likes to get to know someone before I open myself up and those who make the time will know I am a fun, caring and friendly person.


2 comments:

  1. I was shy too, I still, at 33, have my moments but not so much anymore. I love meeting new people, although I do often get the little tightening in my chest wondering how it will all go, I think especially at work. I know it doesn't happen for everyone but I have found as I have grown older I have gone through certain situations that have pushed me out of my shyness, have made me want to speak out more and also I have realised there are certain parts of me I want to share with others and be more open about from the get go. I'm glad you're embracing your shyness and speaking up about it, it is hard for others to understand, I mean most of us who are shy don't understand why we are, but we're all different and as long as you are happy with who you are then that is all that matters :)

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  2. I relate to so much of this, especially the part you wrote about apologising in your head to people you believe are 'stuck' with you. I actually have social anxiety but it has a lot in common with shyness- I always hated being shy around people, constantly worrying I was being too quiet or boring.

    Recently, I have actually started to realize that shyness is not a negative thing. We tend to be better listeners, sensitive to the emotions of others, we are generally good with our own company and therefore work well independently. We also tend to think before we say things rather than just to fill a gap and the few friendships we do have are really strong ones.

    Really glad I scrolled through onto this post, seems like shyness isn't celebrated all that much!

    xx

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