A break up and the aftermath.

This post has been sat in my drafts for a long time, it's been edited and reedited over and over again. I have debated whether I should even post it now since a year has past since these events. Personally, I am not sure I can turn the thoughts in my head into words and truly express what I mean but I will give it ago. I've decided to finally write this post because breaking up with someone is something we all go through and we all have our own ways of coping and dealing with them. 

At the end of 2014 I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. I broke up with my boyfriend of five years and two months, he was my first love, my first boyfriend, the first person I had slept with, my first everything. I truly believed we would be with each other forever, the person I would buy my first home with, go travelling with and have lots of adventures with. But I was living in a bubble, a deluded fantasy because he didn't want the things I wanted, I wasn't happy but I spent most days convincing myself that things would change. They never did and even though I loved him, I had to end things and choose my own happiness for once in my life. 

It was not an easy break up, afterwards we went round in circles of seeing each other again, him telling me he could change over and over. Throughout the last year I have had teary phone calls from him, emails, face time and more. I really wanted to remain friends but sometimes that is easier said then done. It is hard to loose someone who was such a big part of your life, your best friend, someone who you truly care about. 

After we broke up, I thought things would change, that I would be happy. That ending my relationship would turn me into my old me again, the person I had lost along the way. Instead I lost all motivation, I slept a lot, I struggled to get myself out of bed in the morning. The things I enjoyed doing such as blogging and crafting, I took no interest in anymore. I had never felt so lonely coming home after work and having no one to kiss, no one to hug hello and then have to climb into my single bed at night and have no one to wrap myself around. I cried night after night, locked myself in my room and convinced those around me I was doing fine. It is okay to admit to yourself or others than you aren't okay, it can be hard trying to fake a smile while the inside of you is breaking apart, the hardest for me is that I kept myself to myself, I didn't let anyone in, didn't talk to anyone.

For the first time in a long time, I finally starting to feel like the old me, the happy me. He has a new girlfriend and at first I was resentful but that soon past, I know now that he has begun to heal and is happy and that is all I ever wanted for him. 

Below I have complied a list of 'tips' that may or may not help those in a similar situation.

Do cry. 
I'm a firm believer that crying is good for you, just to let all of your emotions to spill out. Although I did not do this, talking to other people about how you feel can be helpful as well. Even if you don't want to talk about it surround yourself with people who make you happy, people who can take your mind of things. 

Keep busy.
I think the hardest parts after a break up is those moment when you have nothing to do and your mind focuses on those things you don't want to think about. For me I had to keep busy whether that was going to work or to college, reading a book to cuddling my dog, sometimes it is the smallest things that can make a big difference. 

Invest in yourself.
I like the idea of working on myself as a person, investing in yourself can be anything from learning new skills, exercise or eating better, anything that makes you feel good about yourself. It can also be spoiling yourself from clothes or finally buying Netflix and relaxing in bed watching a film you've been wanting to see for ages. 

Focus on your dreams and goals.
Travel is a big thing for me, my main goal in life. Being single I could finally do that, a lot of people put their dreams and goals to the side for many reasons mine was my ex. I didn't hesitate in making my goals come true afterwards and booked a trip to America soon after and this year I'll be going away three times, something that would never have happened if I was still with my ex. 

Feel free to share any advice below.

  1. Such healing journeys are always tough in the beginning, but you will eventually get there. I'm proud of you being able to find yourself somehow! *big bear hug*

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  2. I think it's really good that you've shared this post, it shows you're healing too. I was a real wreck when I broke up with my boyfriend not long after we'd both gone to university. I cried a lot and pretended I was okay, to the point that I actually thought I was. It wasn't until I started dating someone else a few months later, and spent a few months with him, that suddenly everything hit me and I realised I really wasn't okay. But the tips you've provided are so important. I hope you're doing okay and it's good to see that you're reaping the benefits from something that was so hard to do - sounds a bit horrible to put it like that but at the end of the day you shouldn't let anyone hold you back from your dreams!

    I look forward to seeing more of your travels and I think it's amazing that you found the courage to let go of someone you loved because you needed to follow what you wanted out of life. That's a pretty big step that some people never take.

    Issy | MissIsGoode xox

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    1. Thank you, I'm happy I've shared it finally but still feel like I have not explained myself fully. I hope you are feeling a lot better now, it can be so hard and the healing process is always unpredictable in time, sometimes I think I'm fine then think of something and I'll cry! Aha thanks, it took a lot of courage and I am so happy I did it and now conquering my dreams and goals. xx

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